?

Log in

blackblue_nl09
12 January 2014 @ 10:56 pm
AHHHHH why do I hate everything around me???? I love my clothes, at the same time I hate them all, bc I dotn have space for them and it takes so much time to wash them and take care of them , its stupid I dont even dress up often. I dont even know why should I dress up, the only good thing I have done recently is to sell some of my junks, I really want to get rid of more of them. ahhhhhh I wanna use this space to rant as much as I can. I want to be the person I imagine myself to be but I dont know I cant be that person anymore
 
 
blackblue_nl09
14 October 2013 @ 11:05 pm
Ok what I need to do for tmr, to consider myself atleast a bit successful

1- look over all the papers decide which ones you can use for optimization
2- choose both base paper and their supporting paper and parents paper
3- do all the assignments for the optimization for the new topic
4- try to verify whats a better topic to pursue???
5- read tom's thesis
6- find references for the interview for late on the day.
7- mark the labs I get and enter the mark even for the last ones
8- find all the graphs i need for avionic
9- or take them from aaron
10- start on optimization project, this all important bc I wanna be persuasive that I can do this new topic
 
 
blackblue_nl09
14 October 2013 @ 10:42 pm
Lonely again, all over, I know all my friendships are fake, I dont know whats going to be left of me. I dont rely on any human relationship. but couldnt that even be a good thing??? I could stay free like that
 
 
blackblue_nl09
03 July 2013 @ 10:31 pm
Left to do:

Try the code with matlab pool and without (5)
Check if it inters If continue (5)

Figureout the transformation between camera sensor frame and ground frame :

Green Origin(30)

3-point origin ( 50)

Do ur best in depth camera calibration ( 50)

if calibrate it (100)

Wrap it up with Dr Enright on Kinect part ( 50)

instead of IF Continue, use the last data ( 30)
 
 
blackblue_nl09
01 July 2013 @ 01:59 pm
okay, here are some of my prospects

By Tuesday, change all of the 3D arrays to structures, and find four closes to each indics ( 30 and 30)

Write Reports on everything  , every reports ( 10)

try to figure out how to estimate heading from location of the two ball ( 40)

Figureout the transformation between camera sensor frame and ground frame (50)

Do ur best in depth camera calibration ( 50)

if calibrate it (100)

Wrap it up with Dr Enright on Kinect part ( 50)
 
 
 
blackblue_nl09
01 July 2013 @ 01:39 pm
So I got some extra over the top work to do for this week.

Tuesday go to get samples of hair products from sephora , also buy metro pass, ( 10 points plus 5 for each sample)

Wed Launch with Patrick call for dental assistance ( 10 points)

Thursday ( Try to check the gym out or call) ( 10 or 20 point)

Friday donate money

Sat see doc discuss hair loss and ultrasound ( 20 points )

every time gym ( 10 points)

Guitar lessons ( 15 points)
 
 
blackblue_nl09
30 June 2013 @ 10:16 pm
A recent bitter reality of my life is , as I decided to grow my hair, I started losing them, I hate my life over it.

A big reason for it could be stress but i do not know how can I stop stressing????

I have been worrying about everything in my life literally

I worry when someone texts me , Bc I dont wanna talk about myself.

And i feel like i have to reply bc if i dont they will be hurt and that fucking means for some of them killing themselves.

but can I really tolerate killing myself for others??

I need to be alone to take care of myself.

No one take cares of me, when others around me they only expect things, they only wanna keep themselves content.

They only care to have fun around me hearing about me, and make themselves like their life better by looking at me.

Can I really be the only one who is surrounded by friends but dont want any of them?

Which one is better to be alone in a room or to be subject of attention of a group in a room and still feel lonely?

I want solitude, bc I see it as the only way to help myself.
 
 
blackblue_nl09
30 June 2013 @ 01:55 pm
I used to complain about being alone, but now I am desperately trying to find my way out of all the fake relationships hanging around,and clinching to me as I try to push them away.

people around me are like a curse, they disappear when I want them, and wont let me be, when i try to reach my solitude.

I hate them trying to remind with their every word how things are, rather than how they should be.

I already know how things are , but i need a prospect to change things to how they should be .

All my attempts in change are dying, I feel like I could only change me , I f I get away from everything and everyone that is familiar to me.

Since knowing all responsibilites thats not possible.

I am in attempt to make myself as Isolated as possible.

Hope to be Isolated
 
 
blackblue_nl09
20 March 2013 @ 09:49 pm
I need to get over all the shits im doing right nowwwww
 
 
blackblue_nl09
13 March 2013 @ 08:25 pm
a little worried , future worries me , gotta fight for what ive got with all my might